What You Don’t Know About Having an Affair

What-You-dont-know-about-having-an-affairIf you’ve been entertaining the possibility of having an affair, you’re probably imagining it to be something much different than what it actually will turn out to be. Sure, an affair can be fun and exciting, but the ramifications can be devastating. If you’re simply imagining the thrill of sneaking around for hot sex and time with someone new and unfamiliar who gazes at you with stars in their eyes, you aren’t taking in the big picture. If you were to compile the experiences of all of the people you know who have ever cheated on a spouse, the results would be quite sobering. People who are committing infidelity often get way more than they bargained for, and most of it isn’t pretty.

Not All Affairs Are Planned

If you’ve never cheated, you may think that it is typically a planned out, premeditated event. This isn’t usually the case. Most affairs start as deep friendships or innocent flirtations that slowly but surely cross the line into entirely inappropriate. Warning signs that you are playing with something that you shouldn’t include having friends you are sexually attracted to, especially if the feeling seems to be mutual. Flirtation that keeps going just a little bit further will eventually go all the way to having an affair. If you are spending a lot of time alone with someone other than your spouse and they know more about your emotional life and your issues with your spouse than your spouse does, you are already engaging in an emotional affair. Emotional affairs have a tendency to develop into physical affairs, and even if they don’t, they can cause just as much pain and damage as screwing around.

You Had An Affair…Now What?

Once you’ve indulged in the affair, your feelings of guilt will probably be overwhelming. You may experience deep sadness and remorse when your spouse does something particularly sweet or loving and you will feel like a piece of crap for deceiving them by finding an affair. When you are with your secret lover, the thrill may be tainted by thoughts of your partner sitting at home with the kids and naively buying your story about going out with your best friend for the evening. The ache of a guilty conscious can be unbearably painful. Even worse than that is that you’ll know that you deserve to feel terrible about what you are doing.

Not only will you experience painful emotions, you’ll be exhausted. Your affair will not be some tiny, compartmentalized pocket of your life. It will begin to be all-consuming. When you are with your spouse you’ll be thinking about your lover. When you’re with your lover you’ll be thinking about your spouse. No matter where you are, you’ll be thinking about how to cover your trail. ( How To Cheat & Not Get Caught) You will worry incessantly about being caught. Your cell phone will become permanently attached to your body, and you’ll probably put a password on your computer and then feel paranoid that maybe you left the browser open. You might become incredibly paranoid to the point where you begin to wonder if you’ve developed schizophrenia, always worrying that you are being followed or watched.


You’ll reach a point where you have to decide. Either you’ll want to salvage your marriage and leave the lover you are having an affair with, or you’ll want to get a divorce to be with someone who is unwilling to leave their own spouse to be with you. Either way, someone is going to get hurt, and chances are high that everyone will. Things can get especially sticky if you want to leave your lover and they’re not ready to lose you. In a fit of desperation, they may threaten to tell your spouse or actually go through with it. If this happens, you could very well end up completely alone.

Cheating almost never ends up being anything but awful. If you do want to have an affair, you absolutely must do so with the intentions of not being caught! Our cheating guide is designed to help you with this. If you’re having marital issues, invest your time in mending the relationship or be honest enough to walk away before starting something new. The judgment you receive from others will hurt, but it will be nothing compared to the pain of self-judgment you will experience. Unless you were born without a conscience, the grief and misery will outweigh any temporary emotional or physical thrill. Save yourself and everyone else the pain of cleaning up the wreckage that will surely follow.

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